By Brian Nelson

Photo by Brenda Fenech-Soler

They showed up unannounced, NINE thirsty, famished Roseate Spoonbills.

They were first seen waddling around in a local pond, seemingly under the control of a sinister-looking Wood Stork. Initial speculation centered around the possibility the stork was a paid “mule”, luring and then escorting these desperate birds with promises a a better life in a gated golf community. The theory gained further momentum when observers noticed their red hues, a tell-tale sign of a sun-burnt migrant.

However, continued observation revealed the flock members, nicknamed the Spoonbill Nine, to be acting surprisingly nonchalantly, much like the lookouts to an impending bank robbery. When approached, none would reveal a name or previous domicile, nor could they explain why all were all discovered drinking from the same watering hole.

The lack of answers fed further conspiracy theories and talk of shady motives, heightened when not a single one of the Spoonbill migrants could produce a Visitor’s Pass.

May Management was closed Saturday, but embarrassed security guards at Marsh Creek gates maintain the birds did not come through their checkpoints. Each declined further comment until they spoke with an attorney.

Another unconfirmed report from a knowledgeable source suggested connections to a shadowy movement called “Free the Birds”. While operating in an underground fashion, this radical group is in fact a high-flying radical militia force working clandestinely to release imprisoned compatriots of all beaks and feathers.

One anonymous source, speaking off the record, claims to have communicated with one of the nine, but reported trouble understanding the brief conversation because “the damn thing kept chewing snails and talking out of both sides of her mouth”.

The source is convinced the nine are indeed vigilantes who flew into Marsh Creek under the cover of darkness with the intention of liberating a locally-held Roseate Spoonbill.

Monitoring on-limb chattering in the trees, the source picked up on plans for the nine to move against a minor St. Augustine media “mogul”. The mogul is reported to have taken the bird captive two years ago, The aim was to inject color and luster to a recently-founded community publication. He refused to name the outlet, but claimed the captive avian was forced into unpaid servitude as a journalist, a job he described as a “crime against humanity”.

The publisher of the Spoonbill Courier, the only local publication known to employ a Roseate Spoonbill, admits he lawfully hired a Roseate Spoonbill to write and deliver news to the Marsh Creek community on Anastasia Island. He strongly denied charges of mistreatment, and claims those who insist otherwise “have ruffled feathers because they didn’t think of it first”.

The publisher, interviewed while dining on local crab, insisted he feeds the bird a generous supply of crustaceans such as shrimp, prawns, aquatic insects, and fish. However, he conceded he has not paid the it “a dime” in royalties for using its image on the Spoonbill Courier masthead.

Informed that US and Florida law classify the roseate spoonbill as protected by the U.S. Migratory Bird Treaty Act and as a State-designated Threatened species by Florida’s Endangered and Threatened Species Rule, the publisher maintained he has not threatened nor endangered his feathered employee, but simply offered the bird meaningful work to “put food in its maw”.

At this writing, authorities are maintaining round-the-clock surveillance on the mysterious nine and are on high alert against any “birdbreak” attempt while they investigate their gang-related activities.

Late Saturday evening, the Spoonbill Courier issued a statement insisting its employee was “as free as a bird” to go or stay, but declined interview requests and continued to hold the bird incommunicado.

Efforts are underway to get the case brought before a local magistrate to determine the bird’s true wishes and to force testimony from the mysterious Spoonbill Nine.

“Justice will be served”, said one observer. “But journalism is no place for a Roseate Spoonbill”.